Manhattanite (manˈhatnīt). n. an individual belonging to a nomadic tribe that inhabits the island of Manhattan, one of the five boroughs of New York City. Many such individuals ritualistically change dwellings annually, ordinarily as a result of exhausted resources, general angst, indecision, or chronic dissatisfaction with a current location or comfort of their particular shelter. Typically highly psychologically unstable, anxious, and cynical, with a characteristic lack of sentimentality that borders on pathological, these individuals will seek out and select a new residence in a rushed or hurried manner, committing little critical thought to their decision both for fear of impending homelessness and paranoia resulting from competition—real or perceived—posed by other prospective tenants of their chosen dwelling. In many cases, finding other boroughs (see also: Brooklyn, Queens, Staten Island, or The Bronx) more habitable for their specific needs or desires, the Manhattanite will even routinely abandon the island and relocate elsewhere, despite that Manhattan remains the central site of either their educational, professional, or social environments. In the case of emigration, the Manhattanite will no longer qualify as such, must adopt the identity of their new locale, and will be shunned, often violently, by the remaining tribe members. The former Manhattanite will likely retaliate (see also: tribal warfare) by invoking subjects such as “affordability,” “square footage,” “proximity to the subway,” a “cuter hood,” or a “more chill” pervading public temperament.
Here’s the straight dope, folks: I’m moving. To Brooklyn! More specifically, to Boerum Hill, a charming and lovely neighborhood close to the subway and other charming and lovely neighborhoods. And I’m SO EXCITED.
A lot of thought went into this decision, and MANY, MANY apartments were viewed in both boroughs before I ultimately decided to make the leap. I do love my current apartment (mostly). And I do love Manhattan (mostly). But I live on the Upper East Side—which, if you don’t know New York, is relatively inexpensive but is also essentially the suburbs of NYC. It’s quiet and it’s safe and it’s clean. And it’s boring as hell. So, the choice was either a shoebox in any of the areas where I actually wanted to live in Manhattan, or something a little more roomy in an area I’d be equally happy in in Brooklyn. And when I saw the new place, well, it was a no-brainer. You’re going to love it. You know, once I get my grubby paws on it and start an extensive beautification process. This place needs some work.
Here, allow me to anticipate your questions/comments:
Q: “Daniel, you’re crazy! You put so much work into that place! What are you thinking leaving it already?”
A: Yeah, I know I’m fucking crazy. I know I did a lot of work, most of which can be brought with me. And if I can make this apartment at least semi-cute (I’d like to think cuter!), surely I can do it again somewhere else. I like a challenge, after all… and the new landlord is reimbursing me for paint. Yeeeehaw!
Q: “Daniel, you’re crazy! Your blog is called Manhattan Nest! MANHATTAN! Doesn’t that mean you’re, like, legally obligated to live in Manhattan?”
A: Yeah, I know the dumb name I picked for my blog whilst bored and alone and probably stoned one day in my freshman dorm. It wasn’t the best idea if I intended to blog in perpetuity, I get it.
Q: “Daniel, you’re crazy! Are you changing your blog name already? Do I have to do anything special to keep reading Manhattan Nest?”
A: For now at least, everything’s staying the same here. No new name. No new URL. No new RSS. No blog redesign. I’m tossing around ideas for small tweaks that can be made so things make a little more sense now that my Manhattan Nest is no longer in Manhattan. Any brilliant ideas for me? Don’t be shy, kiddo. I’m mostly clueless about most things.
Brooklyn. It’s happening. Soon and very soon. Get ready!