Poorly Executed Costumes: An Instructional

In my defense, last year I really pulled it out for Halloween. About three days before, while watching Dont Look Back in a class, I realized: BOB DYLAN. I needed to be him. On most people it would be stupid, but I would pull it off like it was nobody’s business. It was one of those perfect costumes– simple, yet everybody knew exactly what I was supposed to be. And in the West Village, when people want you to think they’re cool, they let you know that they “get it.” And Bob Dylan is so… relevant. Suffice to say, I got a lot of compliments that night. Obviously.

This year, I was hoping something similarly brilliant would strike me. It didn’t. But yesterday I realized who I’d most like to be in the world. He is not a man, but a shell. Let’s reacquaint ourselves, shall we?

After Anna from Door Sixteen introduced us all to this brilliance, I was obsessed. I watched it everyday for weeks. For the first week, I’d find myself watching Marcel before bed and upon waking in the morning I’d roll over groggily, open my laptop, find the youtube page still open, and joyfully watch it again. Maybe twice. Maybe three times. What of it? Marcel and I had something special.

Unfortunately, I am not shaped like a shell. And I didn’t really want to be. Don’t get me wrong, I love to watch people traipse around in bulky and unwieldy getups– just tonight I almost wet myself while witnessing two cardboard boxes struggle to hold hands. But I like my costumes to be something I can move in, lest I need to run from the police or stumble upon a discotheque, ideally those two events happening in sequence. Which is my excuse for deciding to embrace a craptastic, poorly planned, poorly executed, but quite comfortable costume with gusto. If you can believe it, all this went down on Halloween, because I’m just that efficient.

Step 1. Gather all your tan/beige clothes. You should have socks, pants, a sweater, and a hat. You’re going to want to wear about 6 layers of sweaters, both to round you out a bit and because it’s like the fucking arctic outside.

Step 2. Mix red and white drugstore kids’ paint together to make pink.

Step 3. Paint the front section of a white pair of Keds. Wipe the excess paint off with a paper towel because you don’t have time for that shit to dry.

Step 4. Write a nametag because otherwise nobody is going to get it. Then again, even then nobody’s going to get it, so do whatever you want. I was really proud of myself after free-handing Marcel’s scrawl. Seriously you guys, sometimes I wonder where I get such incredible talent.

Step 5. “Okay, uh, my one regret in life is that I’ll never have a dog. But sometimes I tie a hair to a piece of lint and I drag it around.” Lint is skeevy, so I used a mix of plastic bags, paper towels, and electrical tape. The tape made it slightly sticky, so it got progressively filthier throughout the night as I did, obnoxiously, drag it around. Perfect, that’s what you want. Tie a piece of black thread to it, loop the other end around your wrist.

Step 6. Build an entire world that’s big enough to make you look tiny. Definitely the hardest part, but so worth it.

Voila, Marcel the Shell with Shoes on. Jenny Slate would probably cry. Of JOY, you jerk.

Okay, I’ve set the bar pretty damn low. Did you dress up? Tell me everything, I’ve missed you.

Come on, they’ll give you a sticker.

I did, and so should you. There’s a lot riding on this election. The choices have never been so clear, the rhetoric has never been so inflamed, and the politics of hate and fear have never been more threatening. And frankly, some of these candidates are downright terrifying. If you are a citizen of the United States and over the age of 18, it’s pretty much the least you can do for your country.

Every single vote counts. Everybody should have an opinion. So get out there, you crazy kids.

Charging Station

EDIT: Turns out, I don’t know everything. It has been pointed out to me (see comments) that this is not a safe or advisable solution. In light of this, I am listening to you wise readers and exploring other electrical options outside of the bathroom since I’d like to avoid burning down the building or myself. Thanks for looking out for me, peeps. Wrapping extension cords with twine to make them less ugly– still totally legit, I’d say. Just not the rest of it. So wrap away. Just not near running water.

Remember the days when you washed your face with nothing but a little soap and your hands, shaved with a razor blade, and brushed your teeth by gnawing on a piece of bark? I do, and fondly. But times have changed, and now I prefer to leave my extensive beauty needs to electronics. This enables me to stand lazily in front of the mirror and watch my little gadgets go to work with minimal effort, which works out well since it takes me a good 2-3 hours to open my eyes beyond a groggy, pissed-off squint in the morning.

But this face comes at a cost: storage. In a bathroom no bigger than a Bloomingdale’s Big Brown Bag, I needed a way to hide all that messy electronic shit so my rechargables would never be further than an arm’s reach– out of sight and ready for action, much like Spiderman.

Luckily, our apartment came with its own little fire hazard, just brimming with potential. This light:

For a few months, the only way to turn this light on or off was by tightening and loosening the bulb since it isn’t wired into the light switch that controls the ceiling fixture. Through some investigative work (dusting), I discovered that it used to have a little pull-chain, but it seems a previous tenant might have pulled it a little too enthusiastically and decided to forevermore skip the middleman and just turn the bulb itself. What a system.

When I was in the hardware store buying spray paint for my clandestine graffiti sessions, I did a double take when I saw one of these:

Wait. Is that…? I think it is! A light-fixture-to-power-outlet-adaptor?!?! You’re fucking kidding me. I feel an idea coming on.

The goal: get power into the newly revamped vanity to hide the gizmos. The vehicle: a power cord, duh. The problem: power cords are ugly, and there’s about three feet of tile between the top of the sink and that little wall sconce.

File this under “crafting under the influence,” maybe, but it’s the least offensive solution I could come up with. You might disagree, but for whatever odd reason, I honestly think this looks pretty decent in its own bizarre little way.

Step 1: Plop yourself in front of the TV and turn on something good and distracting. I’ve been really into Jeopardy! the last several months, but this is really up to you.

Step 2: Take some plain cotton twine, a hot glue gun, and a two-prong extension cord. Squeeze out about an inch or so of glue onto the cord, wrap the twine quickly, and repeat for about 45 minutes until you have a few feet wrapped. I’ve heard it’s hot glue best practice to keep a bowl of ice water handy to plunge your fist into when you inevitably get glue on yourself, but I’d say that’s for pussies. If you like crafting, you know as well as I do that it hurts so good.

Step 3: Plug it in and just hot glue it right to the wall. I’m sure it’ll come off easily. Well, pretty sure.

Step 4: Plug a 2-prong-to-3-prong adaptor into the end of your 2-prong extension cord, then plug a powerstrip into that.

Step 5: Use a hole saw or a paddle bit to drill a hole in the side of the vanity, big enough for the cords to fit through. I used a little hook to wrangle the excess extension cord. I also shoved a little RATIONELL VARIERA shelf insert from IKEA in there to create extra room underneath for added storage. It’s like a damn spa down there, wouldn’t you say? (Note: Since this picture was taken, I’ve switched the toothbrush and the Clarisonic, so it’s no longer in such close proximity to the sink pipes. The mental image of it getting tired and leaning over to rest its bristles on that weirdness was just a risk I wasn’t willing to take.)

Sorry if this little nitty-gritty window into the seedy underbelly of my bathroom was too personal for your comfort. It might have been too personal for my comfort, too. But look at that. I did it anyway. Typical.

Stylish & Generous Relatives

I’ve gushed before about my aunt and uncle’s incredible style, but I should also point out that they’re actually really incredible people with the style to match. Which is an opinion I would hold anyway, regardless of whether or not they gave me this awesome antique oriental rug last time I saw them.

My uncle has been collecting antique oriental rugs for the last forty years and has amassed quite a collection. And the man knows everything about rugs, it’s pretty unreal. Not that I have any super incredible personal collections to speak of, but I think I understand the special bond one can develop with such objects– those things we might stumble upon or hunt for endlessly, the ones that make our little hearts sing when we find each other. So I was totally floored by the generosity of passing one of these rugs on to me.

Anyway, I’ve been trying to educate myself on oriental rugs, but evidently I’m not a very good student. I can’t remember what this style of rug is called, despite having been told twice. I think it starts with an S (and it’s not a Sarouk, so don’t even say it). Don’t worry, I’ve slapped myself on your behalf and I’ll totally make it my business to find out.

Here’s what I do know: it’s old. Like very old. And I like that. I like the frayed edges and the imperfections and the worn fibers. It’s actually a pile rug (with the exception of the couple inches on the right side of the above photo, where it’s flat-weave), but decades of traffic have given it almost the texture of a kilim.

Third picture, just for funsies. I know these close-cropped photos don’t provide a very satisfying view of the space, but the surrounding living room still needs a significant amount of beautification. It’s not fair to me, to you, or to this gorgeous rug that the rest of this room should be so blah. So I’m trying to fix that. More on that mission very soon.

Edit: Uncle Tom has set the record straight! “The rug is an Afshar from the Fars District of southern Persia and likely dates from the 1890-1910 era.” I told you he knows everything.

Two Point Oh.

Welcome to Manhattan Nest 2.0! I’m so glad you made it, grab yourself a drink and take a look around.

This lovely new website was only made possible by the extraordinary generosity, hard work, and superbly good taste of Anna Dorfman of the exquisite blog we all know and love dearly, Door Sixteen. Yes, we’ve met a couple of times now so I can say these things with absolute authority. I am convinced that she ranks highly among the kindest people in the world, and Evan, Bruno, and Fritz are all just as great as you’d expect, too. A few weeks ago, Anna very very kindly offered to do this for me, and after I recovered from the shock accompanying this good fortune, I shamelessly took her up on it. We talked concept, ideas, and inspiration. She toiled away and designed like crazy while I sent a bunch of indecisive feedback until we arrived here: Manhattan Nest’s new home. I hope you like it as much as I do, which is probably a little unhealthy at this point.

A few things you should know…

1. If you subscribe using an RSS reader, you’ll need to resubscribe to the new RSS feed address, which is www.manhattan-nest.com/feed. If you use Google Reader, click here to add the new blog instantly! If you don’t, you will no longer receive my posts, which could lead to depression, anxiety, bodily illness, or boredom.

2. Every single post from the old blog has been imported to this one, as have all comments! So have at those archives!

3. Check out the new pages at the top! There’s a cute little gallery of all the big DIY Projects, a new and improved Floor Plan, and a vastly expanded About page, now with some real information! And see that Contact page? Holler at me anytime, I love hearing from you.

4. As you might have noticed already, Eva wasn’t so into the blog thing, which is absolutely fine. So you’re stuck with me. That’s right: ALL ME ALL THE TIME. Muhahahaha.

5. I too am adopting the Featured Blogs system in lieu of a conventional blogroll. Since it’s mid-month already, I’m just going to leave those guys up until the end of December. Want to read about two Seattle-based architects wrapping up their stunning renovation and beginning to decorate? How about two ladies who churn out perfectly polished craft projects, DIYs, and recipes like there’s no tomorrow? A couple of architects in the midst of a massive renovation of their D.C. home, willing to take us along for the ride? A hilarious and insightful woman reinstating her roots in Brooklyn after an international leave of absence? They’re all there, waiting for you to click over.

I’m really looking forward to this new, souped-up chapter of this blog’s existence. A HUGE thank you to Anna for making it all possible! This is going to be fun, guys.